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| *Health issues>>>Mental Health issues |
Is it comman for children with bipolar disorder to lie and steal? |
Issue My daughter is 11 yrs old with bipolar disorder and ADHD. Also, how do I deal with this behavior? It doesn't happen very often and most of the time she steals from me and my husband. I'm thinking strongley of calling the police next time (yesterday she stole a $20 bill from my purse, she at first denied it but later fessed up when I wouldn't let her out of her room until she told me the truth) Do you think tough love will work in this situation? Best Tip Don't forget that one of the symptoms of bipolar is that the patient has a hard time determining the difference between right and wrong . Most of their acts are impulsive and they lack the reasoning abilities that most people use to determine what they should or shouldn't do. Locking her in her room is not going to help! She knows that sooner or later she will get out, regardless . If she does confess it will be no more than a means to an end. Setting restrictions and assigning punisments for her behaviors may seem very important but focus only on the negative. Although it is important for her to learn what is unacceptable behavior, she must also be taught what you expect and will accept from her. Tough love says "We don't accept who you are and we are going to do this {insert proper punishment} to you because we love you " This makes no sense in the mind of a bipolar person. She will be going through her entire life dealing with the stigma associated with mental illness . Don't let those first lessons be taught to her in anger. She is not a bad person, she has a bad disease. What helped me a great deal when my daughter was first diagnosed with bipolar was the information I learned attending a class offered by N.A.M.I. {The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill} called the family to family education program . The lessons I learned about what to do and what not to do have been invaluable. My daughter has come so far in the seven years since she was diagnosed. This is due in no small part to the support she has recieved from her family and friends. Believe me when I say that I was once standing in the dark place you now stand, stuck between my anger and fear and the love I have for my daughter. It truly is overwhelming. Choose very carefully . The decisions you make now will affect her for the rest of her life. Right now you are all she has. Be everything you can be for her. Take care, be positive. ..... love her so much that it hurts. Others Set clear expectations and consequences for her behavior and stick with it. It will be tough, but repetition will be needed. Going to the police for every little thing will only reinforce that you are not capable of dealing with her. When she gets a few years older, it will be impossible to do it without all kinds of intervention. If she has a therapist, seek more advice. Tough love and therapy are about all that will work with this lovely combination. I won't lie - it's going to be rough and will only get worse. Consequenses need to be consistent and fit the crime. If you search yahoogroups for bipolar children support group, i'm sure you will find a lot of parents in your boat and willing to help with what works/what doesn't work. my daughter has a similar diagnosis Lord all mighty, I know what you're going through. My brother Dylan is seventeen and he has bipolar and ADHD, and he is always stealing things from me, my brother and my mum. My mum has started carrying her pocketbook around with her, and me and my brother both have trunks with locks to lock up anything important. My mum has tried to call the police on my brother a couple of times for things of ours that he has taken and sold, but guess what? It (around here at least, In PA,) isn't illegal for a family member to steal from a family member! The police are never able to do anything for us around here, so we deal with it how we can. Unfortunately, I know with my brother at least that too much 'tough love' doesn't work, though ignoring it won't either, but if you go too far with punishing her, chances are she will just look for some way to get back at you. With bipolar, people just don't think normally. She wouldn't be thinking about what she had done, just how to get back at you for whatever punishment you could give. My mother joined a forum for parents with children with bipolar, and she says that talking with other people ahs helped her alot, and given her new ideas and ways to deal with Dylan, enforce his behavior. This is the link to the site, if you are interested: http://www.bpkids.org/site/pageserver... Unfortunately, your daughter's disorder(s) have nothing to do with her stealing and lying. She is 11 years old and approaching a major life transition... puberty and middle school! She is at a very critical stage in development as she is trying to "find herself" and believe me...she WILL TEST YOU!!! I don't advise you to call the police because scare tactics aren't effective for every child (I am an ESE teacher in a youth detention facility). My advice...become pro-active instead of reactive! Now is the time to set/ remind her of boundaries, encourage participation in extracurricular activities, become actively involved in her education as well as activities and be consistent (When you fail to follow through, your problem will get worse)! Now is really not the time to beat her down and call the police. Remember, all behavior stems from the desire to either gain something or escape/ avoid. What is motivating your daughter's behavior? It is common for any child to steal from their parents, that's what all children do.Are you serious! You are going to call the police on your own 11 year old child! Do you have any idea how trashy and ridiculous that is. Only ridiculous and lazy parents call the police on young children. |
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